


NASA. | sirius black

by prfctethereal



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Claustrophobia, F/M, Fluffy Ending, very cheesy oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:49:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28831473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prfctethereal/pseuds/prfctethereal
Summary: [Y/N] cant deal with the constant affection from her boyfriend and goes to the astronomy tower with him to calm down
Relationships: Sirius Black/Reader
Kudos: 8





	NASA. | sirius black

Sweltering clouds settled into the evening sky like a swarm of wasps attacking its prey. Rain droplets peltering onto the window sending loud crashes through my eardrums. And I couldn’t breathe. It felt as though everything was closing in on me. A tight arm was wrapped around my waist, keeping me still, making sure I didn’t move, but I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t breathe.

Breathe goddamnit! 

The walls were caving in. My chest was restricting. A pressure was building up, weighing me down into the ground. I couldn’t breathe. Then, I was surrounded by the coldest of water, prickling into my delicate flesh, like several tiny daggers pressing firm on me. I couldn’t breathe. Drowning in a lake of nothingness, everything felt dark and empty, yet there was still a weight around me, succumbing me until I couldn’t breathe. With the last gasp of air, I froze, my eyes lulling backwards into my head.

When they reopened, I realised that it had all been a nasty nightmare. It was the middle of the night and a small draft was coming in through the window, pushing the curtain back just far enough for a dribble of moonlight to litter onto the carpet. Beads of sweat trickled down my burning face, the heat of the moment waking me from my claustrophobic dream. My breathing was slowing down but my heart was still beating out of my chest. I sighed, wondering how I hadn’t already woken up the love of my life, whose arm is currently wrapped around my torso, bringing me in close to his chest, the top of my head, nuzzled softly into his neck.

I wasn’t in the mood for cuddle time with Sirius Black unfortunately. His arm around me was no longer comforting and his soft breathing was no longer soothing, but irritating, and was setting me on edge. He was too close and I was losing my mind.

Sirius had always been clingy and I knew what I had signed up for when we started dating. Whether it was his arm around my waist or his fingers dotingly playing with a loose strand of my hair, he was constantly around me. I adored the attention but even after nearly a year of dating, I still hadn’t told him my biggest fear, which was claustrophobia: the fear of confined spaces.

He was understanding and considerate, a real gentleman, I knew that as much. Lovingly, he was always there when I struggled with anxiety, but sometimes his techniques were overbearing and sent me spiraling even worse than before. Like today, as my anxiety peaked during class.

During charms class, I was always able to concentrate. Professor Flitwick was an excellent and engaging teacher so it was always easy to feel calm in his classes, yet today, it was different. Maybe it was the rising temperatures or the tie that was just a little too tight around my neck, but the thing that sent me over the edge was my boyfriend’s hand that found its way to rest gently on my thigh.

It wasn’t his fault; it was something he always did. Weirdly, I couldn’t stand it today. Something was wrong and I needed space, but when my breath quickened and my hand started shaking, he only made it worse. I knew Sirius was only trying to help but when he had wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer into him, I couldn’t deal. I had excused myself from class and ran into the wall, tears rolling down my cheeks. Sitting in an empty hallway, I let everything out, crying until Professor McGonagall saw me when she was walking the halls and let me into her office where I could calm down.

I never explained what was wrong because nothing was wrong really. Well, I didn’t feel like anything was wrong.

That was why when Sirius suggested I stayed with him tonight, I agreed straight away. Whenever my anxiety took over, he nearly always invited me to stay in his dorm with him. We could cuddle and read books together; whatever it took to calm me down and make me feel safe again. Unfortunately, that was the opposite tonight.

Shifting out of the bed, I was hesitant to make sure that Sirius didn’t wake up as I swung my legs around and placed them on the cool wooden floors of the boy’s dormitories. I had snuck into the room so much that I knew what floorboard creaked and which didn’t, so I was fairly certain I could make it out of the room without waking anyone up. 

My judgments were wrong though. Listening out, the faint sounds of the boy’s snores filled the room, masking my heavy breathing. They weren’t loud enough to mask when I stubbed my toe on the edge of Sirius’ bed, letting out of low hiss as I lost my balance and stepped onto a loose floorboard. Truthfully, it wasn’t so loud, but it felt like a rocket going off for me. Slowly, I looked back to see Sirius stirring softly in his sleep. I assumed I was safe. I was wrong.

As soon as I stepped out of the boy’s dormitories, I felt a presence behind me. Enveloping me with his arms, Sirius came up and wrapped me into one of his famous hugs. It was too much though. I wriggled free of his grip, wiping the tears forming in the corners of my eyes with the back of my hands. Hesitantly, Sirius reached out for me but I backed away, closing my hands around my chest.

“Darling?” Sirius’ voice quivered with worry, taking a step towards me. 

“Leave me alone, Sirius.” I bit back at him, instantly regretting the tone of voice I had used. His face fell immediately, his usually prominent smirk wiped away by his pouting lip and his wide eyes. It seemed as so I had broken his heart. “I’m sorry, Sirius. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, you did, it’s fine-” 

“Come with me and I’ll explain.” Cutting him off, I beckoned him to follow me as we crept down the staircase together and through the opening portrait door. His hand was swinging by his hand, trying to tangle up with mine, but I pulled away, scared that my senses would flare up.

Normally when my anxiety would get too much, I would take a midnight walk to the astronomy tower to clear my head. Something about sitting on the balcony with my legs dangling off the side and my eyes glued to the sky calmed me in a way nothing else could. The smell of the night air mixed with the enclosed darkness felt like home. I liked being alone with my thoughts.

“I’m sorry about how I acted today.” I said quietly, as we turned a corner in the halls. Sirius knew that I was taking him to the astronomy tower as it wasn’t the first time he had caught me sneaking out in the middle of the night for some fresh air.

“Please don’t apologise, sweetheart, your anxiety is not your fault.” He replied, reaching out once again for my arm, but I dodged it moving to the side. That movement from me was noticeable enough to get a reaction from Sirius, who sighed sadly, pulling his arms back to himself.

“It’s not just my anxiety though.” I contemplated how I would explain it and Sirius frowned at my thinking face. His hands itched to grab my face and stroke my cheek with the pads of his fingers, but he stopped himself, remembering the way I had been reacting to all other forms of physical affection today.

Eventually, I found the words I had been looking for and began explaining. “I guess, it is kind of my anxiety, but it’s more than that. I have really bad claustrophobia and usually it doesn’t get the best of me. Hell, most of the time I don’t even notice it! But today, I don’t know, it felt as though it flared up all of a sudden. That’s why I’ve been rejecting your touches. It just feels like I can’t breathe all the fucking time and it hurts. I love you and I love your comfort, but I need space. Not just you, from everyone. I need my alone time sometimes, so I can breathe again.”

Sirius listened intently through my rambling, until we got to the staircase of the astronomy tower. He followed me upwards and a rush of fresh air filled my lungs when we got to the top. Walking over to the balcony, Sirius still tagged along behind, but kept his distance.

“I understand, [Y/N].” My name rolled off of his tongue almost melodically. “I just wish you had told me sooner. I feel bad, I should’ve noticed, but I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise.” I sighed out, turning back to look at the night sky. Sirius came up next to me at the balcony banister and recognised my tense body language, opting to slide a metre away from me. Smiling sheepishly, I turned and pointed at the night sky.

A comfortable silence fell between us. I wasn't sure if it was because Sirius was too unsure of what to say or if he enjoyed the quiet. Eventually, I decided to break the tension and say something to him.

“Sometimes, I dream of being a star in space.” With earned an incredulous eyebrow lift from Sirius, whose name is quite literally a star in space. I giggled before continuing. “I mean, they're so far apart from one another - light years away! You have all the distance you need, all the quiet you want.”

Sirius hummed in agreement, before pointing at something in the sky. “You see that there? That is Sirius, the brightest star is the sky. And you see that?” He waved his hand around slightly, “That is the constellation Canis Major: the constellation that Sirius is a part of.”

Another silence fell before I took another root with the conversation. “I wanted to keep astronomy as one of my subjects but I always thought that people would make fun of me for keeping it on my schedule. It was my favourite subject and I loved every moment of it.”

“You should’ve kept studying it then.” Sirius said in a hushed voice, his eyes peeling off of the sky and onto me.

“I thought you would laugh at me.” I whispered, barely audible, but Sirius heard.

“I would never laugh at you, never. Honestly, I never even knew you liked this sort of stuffed.” He paused, momentarily. “Tell me all your favourite things about astronomy.”

I smiled, blushing happily as I started pointing at different constellations in the sky. “That there is Scorpio, my favourite constellation. In all truth, it’s my favourite because it’s your horoscope sign. Oh, and that over there is the Big Dipper, or the Plough, and my mother would always tell me that was her favourite constellation. It was mine too, until I met you.”

Pausing, I looked back at Sirius who was utterly fascinated by what I was saying, clinging onto every word I said, encouraging me to keep going. “And tonight is a crescent moon, but it's about to become a new moon in two nights' time. The new moon is the symbol of starting fresh and signals for change to come. I love it. It’s beautiful.”

“The sky is beautiful tonight.” Sirius spoke after a while and I hummed in agreement, but he kept going.”

“Do you know what else is beautiful?” 

“What?”

“You.”

**Author's Note:**

> oh dear this ending is cheesy. anyway, follow me on tumblr @/prfctethereal for writing updates


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